Is it Fear or is it Fake

Slowly getting into The Big Leap. Still muddling through chapter 1 - it's not that Dr. Hendricks uses big words or complicated theories. In fact, it's pretty simple. Which is maybe why I'm having trouble getting through it. I keep reading and rereading the same lines. It's hitting home - perhaps a little too close for comfort!

His first concept is the Upper Limit Problem. Basically, as I understand it, is we all have our own perceived glass ceiling, and until we're ready to break through to the Ultimate level, we will never realize our true potential.

I once had aspirations of psychiatry as a career, until the sciences seriously clashed with my brain, but find I push back a bit when I see and hear things like this. If it's really so simple, why aren't we all doing it? Oh that's right...because we think we don't deserve all the happiness, accolades, wealth. I have to say the one part I really resonated with was when he talked of eating healthy, exercising and feeling great through the week, only to throw it all away with booze, sugar and poor habits on the weekend. Story of my life! Begs the question...why do I fear being thin and healthy? There's a blog for another day!!

Once through the introduction, you reach chapter 1: Preparing for your Big Leap. Here, you have 3 questions to answer:

1. Am I willing to increase the amount of time every day that I feel good inside (inner sense of well being)?

    - yes

2. Am I willing to increase the amount of time that my whole life goes well?

    - I hope it's yes. Gets a little shaky here.

3. Am I willing to feel good and have my life go well all the time?

    - "All the time"?? Again, one would hope the answer is yes. 

It is here that we dive into the limiting beliefs. I like how he puts this into perspective...if we cling to the notion that something's not possible, we are essentially arguing in favour of limitation. What's the payoff of limitation? Hamster wheel of mediocrity? What if Columbus returned to Europe and said he didn't find land, but he could have, if he didn't have a nasty cold? America wouldn't have a holiday in October for one. 

I am finding myself flipping back and forth between the pages, again not because the concept is so obtuse or hard to comprehend, but because I keep seeing snips that I want to remember and go back to. It's definitely a book to read with a high-lighter in hand!

I'll close with this question tonight...How am I getting in my own way? A doozy, for me at least...think about it. I'd love to chat. Let me know how you get in or out of your own way?

Thanks for reading,

Carol W.

Welcome back, for real this time.

I've done everything I can think of to avoid this moment right now. Changed the litter. Hauled out the recyclables. Emptied garbage bins. Made another cup of coffee. Played with the furbabies. All clever avoidance tactics I've honed over the years.

What am I so afraid of? Why is jotting down my thoughts, dreams, goals and such so intimidating to me. Maybe I'm afraid no one will read it. But that begs the question...why am I really doing this? Is it for me or you? Let me back-track a bit here.

I am a Toastmaster, for just over two years now. I've completed my Competent Communicator, the Competent Leader, Advanced Leader Bronze, and I'm in the 4th level of the 5 level Pathway, Persuasive Influence. I'm also working towards my Distinguished Toastmaster designation. Toastmasters is fun, and I've dived in feet first. After all, Public Speaking were the only two classes in college that I received an A...A+, actually. While I have no problem speaking in public, one of the challenges in this pathway is to complete a blog. Again, I thought...no problem. I've been writing various iterations of this blog for years now. And yet, every time I thought of a topic or decided to actually put fingers to keyboard (not the same ring as pen to paper, is it??), I would find a trillion other things to do.

There in lies the crux...when I have something I "should" be doing, whether it's dealing with issues in my house like the plumbing, organizing my office, my taxes, my budget, building my side hustle, exercise, weight loss...anything that is "adulting", I seem to easily willingly distract myself.

With your help, I am working on changing all of that this year. The hamster wheel, while fun to begin with, is getting boring. I'm tired of the same old, and yet it's what I so easily fall back in to. Jen Sincero said it best when she wrote "the walls of our comfort zone are lovingly papered with our excuses". It's time to break down one or all of those walls. I have all three of her books...let's try actually reading them, shall we? And the many, many other self-improvement, ,marketing, betterment books I have on hand. Did I mention there were many??

Kosmo helping Mommy choose

Step 1 for the blog - consistency. While I laughingly cry "go big or go home" history has taught me that I do just that...go home. I get overwhelmed and crawl back under the covers of complacency. One step at a time to start any journey, right? I will read, and do a book report on one of the books I have on hand right now and post at least 8 more times over the next few weeks. Which one shall it be, though??

I've decided on a rather appropriate one, in fact. The Big Leap, by Gay Hendricks.

Conquer your hidden fear and take life to the next level

Please feel free to share this, if you think it may help someone you know. And comment...I love comments. Let's start a dialogue. How do you get yourself out of the "zone" when you get stuck? I'm open to ideas!

Thank you for reading.
Carol W.

A love letter to myself

A very dear friend came across this nugget, while flipping through our junior high school yearbook. The year, 1977. The age...unknown but guessing either 13 or 14. After all, it was grade 8. That's the year that Shelly moved back to the Saskatchewan town her parents were from, and our lives were forever changed, without us even knowing. I'm sure at the time, between the tears, threats of running away together, wails of despair and negotiations for my parents to adopt Shelly (They adopted me. What's one more?! After all, we always thought we were sisters-from-another-mister, long before that concept ever became cool!) we were both convinced our lives were completely over. May as well stop the planet from rotating, because it's all done for. Funny how 41+ years manage to pass by, and neither of us has actually died. Oh, I'm sure it felt close some days...may have even toed the line to peek over, but we are both standing as strong as we did as children. Our paths may have gone off in very different directions, but we wound our way back into each others lives and arms. Where I think we were meant to be, all along. But then that question of "what if" pops up. What if Shelly hadn't moved, and we continued on to high school, college, careers, boys together?? Would Shelly have 3 beautiful children and grand babies today? Run her own company, and speak at events as a subject matter expert? Would she have painted and then presented me with the new (very old) frame that makes it absolute perfection (this is also 41 years old, by the way, and it's hung in my room since the day Shelly gave it to me, so very long ago.)

And what about me?? Would growing up together, on the same street, one house down have meant different choices for me? Marriage, a different career, children...Ermmmm...this is where I gulp and hoping I at least stay the crazy cat lady!! Every time I look at the picture of me from so long ago, all I can think is "oh, girl...you have no fucking idea of what's to come." And that's a good thing, right?!

I've showed the picture around, and everyone is kind to comment how pretty I was then. Funny how hindsight kind of grabs you and makes you look twice. Was I pretty? I certainly didn't think so then. I have flashes of doubt now. And while this was before puberty and my seemingly constant struggle with weight, I recall being teased for being too skinny. Too many freckles. I'm sure my eyes were too blue and my hair too brown. I distinctly remember being too tall. I mean seriously...WTF?! Could not make people happy, and sadly, that meant a very long, bumpy road of finding and then finally claiming MY own happiness.

So what would I say to me now? Even thinking about it is choking up my throat, and what is this wet stuff on my cheeks? How I want to wrap that sweet (really, I was sweet...honest!) girl up in my arms and protect her from everything and everyone that hurts her, but then, she won't learn and grow, will she? I guess all I can tell her is that our life is a good one. Yes, we definitely have had dark days, but the sun always came up. ALWAYS. We loved hard, and people loved us back. Some didn't last, but was it meant to then? I don't know these things either. So keep smiling, sweet girl...people will try their very best to make you frown, but continue to smile in defiance! Smile like you really do know the secret, and you still won't share. Smile, because you really are happy. Really!

Much love and gratitude,
Carol

I love Wednesdays

I really do love Wednesdays, and it's not because it's hump day, or the middle of the work week. In fact, for some of us that juggle two (or more) jobs, there really isn't a "middle" to speak of. Just another day, just another shift. No, I love Wednesdays because that's Toastmasters day where I work.

I look forward to Toastmasters every week. I get to spend my lunch with an amazing, ever changing, ever growing, group of people. I get to network within in my own organization, which is great when I come up against something I don't know or understand, but I remember...ah-ha!!  "Bob" works for that department; he'll know about this or at least point me towards who does. While our group is small, and getting smaller weekly it appears, we are mighty! All joining with the goal of working on our leadership skills, interpersonal communications and yes, the dreaded public speaking. But here's the thing...THAT'S my favourite part!!!  I simply adore standing up in front of everyone and giving a speech, or even more fun, the table-topics, a lightening round of questions of which you don't prepare, but answer off the cuff. I enjoy that so much I competed in the last area and division meets. I did win our area, which allowed my to continue on to the division, but sadly came in 3rd. I have some work to do for next year, that is for certain. The competition bug has bitten, and I want to do better. I know I can do better!

But back to the actual speaking part. Toastmasters has introduced a new platform, if you will, to modernize the overall concept. Online course take you through what is call Pathways, and like a path through the mountains, you climb levels, completing various speeches and tasks, until you reach the summit of Level 5. I've chosen the Pathway of Persuasive Influence - something I aim to use with my other endeavor, helping people achieve their dreams and goals. Today's speech was # 19 or 20 (I've honestly lost track) overall, and is almost the middle of my current Pathway. It was about Conflict Resolution, and how I deal with it (I don't...hate conflict...I run scared...oh wait, I was supposed to learn something back there, wasn't I?!) and I gave a pretty good speech. Everyone enjoyed it, and even commented how they can't wait till they are as prepared and rehearsed as I am. So...when do I tell them that it was pretty much off the cuff?! Oh, I had an idea and even wrote one out, but I didn't really rehearse it. I most certainly didn't commit it to memory. And maybe that's why I enjoy Toastmasters so much. It actually plays to my strengths, not focusing on yet another weakness or flaw.

Here's my question for you...what are your strengths? Weaknesses? What do you want to work on? And do you like Wednesdays?!

What am I so afraid of?

I've thought about popping in here and jotting down a few things. And then a Friday turns into a Monday, turns into a Wednesday and I think "I'll get to it on the weekend". The weekend arrives and leaves, and as I'm crawling into bed Sunday night, I wonder what happened to another good intention. Another idea I've overlooked. Made excuses for. Passed by.

What am I so afraid of? The permanence of the words? Who even reads blogs anymore? Are they still a thing? I see them, so they must be, but I was never one to be up on the current trends. And what happens if someone, like you for example, does take a few minutes to read my rambling thoughts. What will happen? Maybe we'll start a conversation. Connect. Make a new friend. Reconnect with some old ones. It's a Devil-may-care world, this Blog-land, and I'm not sure I'm ready for it. Or is it ready for me?!

What to talk about? There's always my life. Still single...still have cats (2)...still living in my 106+ year old house, with the fence falling down and minor repairs required. Did I mention still single?? So that means I'm doing the minor repairs, or at least attempting to learn what I can. Maybe that's why I was also drawn to the part-time job at Home Depot. That, and I really do like the colour orange. I am still working in the banking industry, having recently celebrated my 2 year anniversary. And I am still working on pushing my entrepreneurial self out from behind my employee self. It has been a struggle, but I am also determined (read: stubborn) enough to make this work. That and the company direction is so exciting right now, especially after we got married in March. Wait, didn't I say I was single?! Yes, NOT that kind of married! In fact, that's a great post for another day. I haven't been to crossfit for a while (yet another post idea) but I am still a WW member (can't remember if we're actually allowed to call it Weight Watchers anymore) and continue to work on my personal health and wellness. All in all, much of my life is the same as it was. Hopefully a bit more interesting though. I've made new friends along the way and did some traveling throughout. Not a bad existence, now that I stop to think about it.

So the long and the short of it, is I am back. I will WILL write at least one post a week, as I think weekly is a great place to start. Let me know if there is something specific you'd be interested in. While I do not claim to know everything, I am great at research and am a graduate of MSU (Making $hit Up).

So...hi. My name is Carol, and I hope we can become friends.

With gratitude,
C.

Procrastination

I am certain that if an award was ever handed out for the Queen of Procrastination, I would win, hands down. Granted, it goes without saying that a group of procrastinators most likely wouldn't get it together to actually present such an award...or at the very least, the 2018 win would be handed out sometime in 2020 or so.

All joking aside, why is I can find a million things to do to take me away from what I need to do. It's not that what I need to do is that hard. Or painful. Doesn't cost me anything...if anything, it'll earn me money but still I digress. I putter...decide at that specific moment to reorganize my already messy table, to neater messy piles. I decide I need to get my tax stuff together. Don't have the tax documents yet, but now at least I'm ready to fill in the blanks when I do!

Heck, as you can see by the last post, I even found other things to do whenever I thought about updating the blog! I win, I tell you...I win.

 What have I been doing for the past two months? Well, Christmas came and went, as did New Years. Hope it was great for everyone. Really quiet for me, but that's all right too. New Years was spent with friends after the Resolution Run. It was cold AF this year, so I hung around inside and helped out where I could. Then off to the Barley Mill for half price wine (SCORE!!) and chicken wings, and ringing in another year.

January flew by and here we are at February already. Where does the time go? Oh yeah, I was probably finding something else to do!

I believe the only way to prevent further procrastinating is, to quote Nike, JUST DO IT. Pick up that pen, make that phone call, hit send on the email...whatever it takes. 

Heading to Vegas in a month, for our West Conference. Excited, as I'm heading down and meeting up with a great group of friends, but I'm also dreading it, as I haven't rank advanced as I had planned (stupid procrast...hell, I don't even want to spell the word anymore!), and the finances are a little stretched this year. But got a good deal on airfare, and we'll bunk like we're 16 again in the rooms, and it's a fast trip. In and out in 3 days. But lots to learn, so can't wait. Also enjoying a party the first night with Phyllis, the lovely lady that invented our product. She has used the product on one hand only for the past 15+ years, and having seen the hands up close, it's amazing. While Phyllis is in her 70s, her one hand looks half that age. Joined in the #handsupchallenge myself, and I can already see a difference in colour and tone between the two, and it's only been a week or so. Can't wait to see (and share) the difference at the end of the month.

What I really need to do is break free of the employee mindset, where I look for the instructions if you will, of what to do, what is expected, when to do it, etc. Or, if that seems too frightening, then maybe I need to become my own manager, and tell myself what to do, where to do it, when, etc. I already have many voices in my head...what's one more?

Sorry for the ramble, but I am happy I posted tonight. I won't make any radical promises, but I am aiming for this to be a regular thing going forward. 

Thank you for reading.

Much gratitude,

Carol

Looking forward

It doesn't matter where you go or what you do, goal setting seems to be a key part of everything. From small goals of not buying a bag of cookies when you run into the store for that carton of milk, or when you do find the cookies have somehow made their way into your home, setting the goal of not eating them all in one sitting. Taking a 15 minute break in between mindless chewing counts, right??

That being said, goals are important. Otherwise, how on earth do you know when you're done. Or why you're even completing said task in the first place. For example...why on earth would anyone run for 6+ hours, straight, if there wasn't some sort of sick, twisted goal of being able to say "I ran a marathon". Thought the once was bad enough, but I kept tweaking my goal, as in "I will run a marathon faster, or I will qualify for Boston". I did run a couple faster...I ran quite a few slower, and with several, I seemed content to meet my initial time of 6:28 and change. But I could say I did it, right? And mark that goal with a triumphant strike of my imaginary sharpie! Never did manage a Boston-qualifying time, not even if I add many years to the age category (crap) and now that I no longer run, that goal is moot.


CrossFit is a great place for goal setting and crushing them. First unassisted pull-up...lifting PRs set and knocked down, only to be reset and refocused. The mystical double-under. Although some days that last one seems as attainable as a BQ time!

But is it enough to merely set a goal? Say it out loud or write it down? After all, if it's written down, it must be true, right?? At what point does a goal have to turn into a plan. What comes first?? The Plan or the Goal? Can you have one without the other?? I can say I wanted a BQ time every day. Some days I'm pretty sure that's what I did. But what did I do to achieve that goal? How did I break it down, so that I could meet my target? Did I make a SMART goal? In hindsight, no. It may have been specific and measurable, but honestly was it attainable for the type of runner I was at the time? I was not fast...ever. Still haven't managed to break a 30-minute 5k, which makes a sub-4 hour marathon quite daunting. And last I checked, Boston does not allow roller-skates on the course. Oop...new goal...learn how to skate! So not very realistic, and I never said when I was going to reach this goal. Having no timeline to stick to...well, that always made it easy to say "next race". In 2013, when my body proclaimed in no uncertain terms that it was done with running, so went my Boston dreams. I can still go and cheer on other runners of course, but deep down, I will always carry a twinge of regret for what might have been.

Back to reality...we had a great get-together with the team this afternoon, to discuss goal setting and what we want from 2018. Where do I see myself and my business next year, which is only 29 sleeps away! We didn't really get into specifics there, but it is something I need to nail down over the next few weeks. And I think that's the key to goal-setting. It's not enough to say what you want...you have to follow that up with how. In addition to it being Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Timely, having a plan of tasks, or even sub-goals is helpful in goal-setting.

While I kick around the details, here's some snippets: I will read at least one of the many personal growth books I have piled on the table. They are not being absorbed via osmosis, sadly, so have scheduled reading time every evening (which may also help with my personal sleep goal, as it'll be part of my nightly wind-down). Breaking the goal into smaller chunks helps in so many ways. First, it doesn't seem so daunting. After all, saying I will rank to Platinum is scary, especially if I don't make that goal. But what will happen if I fail? Will the world stop turning on it's axis? Will the sun cease to rise in the east? I don't think so, but I will be disappointed in myself.

Goal # 1, schedule my reading time, and pick the first book. I am just finishing up Bad-A$$ (kind of stuck in the final money chapters...who knew?!), but really want to get into the High Performance Habits, after hearing Brendon Buchard speak at GoPro Mastery. I will finish this one by the end of December.

Goal # 2: go through my back-office (online) and clean up the clutter. I need a clear vision of my tree, and where to focus. I want to WILL earn a steady income from this business, and it's not going to happen if I just think happy thoughts about it. I've got to put some motion in my emotion (thank you Tony Robbins!).

Goal # 3: morning meditation. I've been watching/listening to Dr. Joe Dispenza Breaking the Habit of being yourself every day, and realize that I am in a serious rut. Same old, day in and day out. Time to shake things up. Now, since I also admit to having the attention span of a gnat, I will start small, aiming for a 2-5 minute introspective to start my day.

I still have plenty of work to do here, breaking down the larger 2018 goal of rank advancement. And come up with a few for my personal life, such as the elusive double-under, and my Weight Watchers target. But it's getting late, and sitting here typing is not helping me wind-down and prepare for sleep. I'll leave you with this.

Thank you for reading.

Much love,
Carol