Self-fulfilling prophecy

You know when you are watching a scary movie, and one of the characters is about to go outside, and you yell at the screen "don't do it!", because you know exactly what is going to happen?? Yeah, my weight journey lately has been that scary movie!!  "Don't eat that!!" I scream, and yet I eat it. "Get up and move!", I yell. And yet, I sit or worse, nap. I know better...I've been a member of WW (formally known as Weight Watchers) for longer than some members there have been alive, and yet I seem determined to self-sabotage myself at every turn and never reach goal.

Take today...well, this week, actually. I've watched my weight bounce around all week, and yet I just had to have the mini-cupcake yesterday (it was someone's birthday, rude not to, am I right?), or the new Oreo PB and Chocolate flavour. Just had to try it. After all, never, ever been a fan of Oreos, but that didn't stop me from trying, buying and eating an entire package myself. Seriously...what is wrong with me?!?!?

I am an emotional eater. Trouble is, the emotion doesn't have to be a negative one. Happy...sad...angry...stressed...bored...all excuses to shovel something into my mouth. And let's be honest here. It is NEVER a carrot or an apple that I am reaching for. Someone suggested that tonight at the workshop (formally known as meeting). Instead of the chocolate sprinkles Texas donut, grab an apple instead. Sure...that's happening!!

I did manage to go for a bit of a walk today, of which I am proud of. I used to walk every day at lunch, and then used snow, rain, wind and work as convenient excuses as to why I couldn't. That stops now. I feel like crap. Seriously like a pile of poo. Not enjoying my reflection in the mirror. Not feeling so awesome about myself. What have you to say about that, Dr. Hendricks? How is The Big Leap going to help me overcome my weight issues? He does say that the intention of the book is to "show me exactly how to free myself from the self-imposed limitation that is keeping me from my ultimate success". Guess I'd better read some more!

Do you self-sabotage? How do you break the cycle or habit? Looking for any and all ideas. I need to change something - a fresh perspective would be great!

As always, thank you for reading.

Carol W.

I love Wednesdays

I really do love Wednesdays, and it's not because it's hump day, or the middle of the work week. In fact, for some of us that juggle two (or more) jobs, there really isn't a "middle" to speak of. Just another day, just another shift. No, I love Wednesdays because that's Toastmasters day where I work.

I look forward to Toastmasters every week. I get to spend my lunch with an amazing, ever changing, ever growing, group of people. I get to network within in my own organization, which is great when I come up against something I don't know or understand, but I remember...ah-ha!!  "Bob" works for that department; he'll know about this or at least point me towards who does. While our group is small, and getting smaller weekly it appears, we are mighty! All joining with the goal of working on our leadership skills, interpersonal communications and yes, the dreaded public speaking. But here's the thing...THAT'S my favourite part!!!  I simply adore standing up in front of everyone and giving a speech, or even more fun, the table-topics, a lightening round of questions of which you don't prepare, but answer off the cuff. I enjoy that so much I competed in the last area and division meets. I did win our area, which allowed my to continue on to the division, but sadly came in 3rd. I have some work to do for next year, that is for certain. The competition bug has bitten, and I want to do better. I know I can do better!

But back to the actual speaking part. Toastmasters has introduced a new platform, if you will, to modernize the overall concept. Online course take you through what is call Pathways, and like a path through the mountains, you climb levels, completing various speeches and tasks, until you reach the summit of Level 5. I've chosen the Pathway of Persuasive Influence - something I aim to use with my other endeavor, helping people achieve their dreams and goals. Today's speech was # 19 or 20 (I've honestly lost track) overall, and is almost the middle of my current Pathway. It was about Conflict Resolution, and how I deal with it (I don't...hate conflict...I run scared...oh wait, I was supposed to learn something back there, wasn't I?!) and I gave a pretty good speech. Everyone enjoyed it, and even commented how they can't wait till they are as prepared and rehearsed as I am. So...when do I tell them that it was pretty much off the cuff?! Oh, I had an idea and even wrote one out, but I didn't really rehearse it. I most certainly didn't commit it to memory. And maybe that's why I enjoy Toastmasters so much. It actually plays to my strengths, not focusing on yet another weakness or flaw.

Here's my question for you...what are your strengths? Weaknesses? What do you want to work on? And do you like Wednesdays?!

What am I so afraid of?

I've thought about popping in here and jotting down a few things. And then a Friday turns into a Monday, turns into a Wednesday and I think "I'll get to it on the weekend". The weekend arrives and leaves, and as I'm crawling into bed Sunday night, I wonder what happened to another good intention. Another idea I've overlooked. Made excuses for. Passed by.

What am I so afraid of? The permanence of the words? Who even reads blogs anymore? Are they still a thing? I see them, so they must be, but I was never one to be up on the current trends. And what happens if someone, like you for example, does take a few minutes to read my rambling thoughts. What will happen? Maybe we'll start a conversation. Connect. Make a new friend. Reconnect with some old ones. It's a Devil-may-care world, this Blog-land, and I'm not sure I'm ready for it. Or is it ready for me?!

What to talk about? There's always my life. Still single...still have cats (2)...still living in my 106+ year old house, with the fence falling down and minor repairs required. Did I mention still single?? So that means I'm doing the minor repairs, or at least attempting to learn what I can. Maybe that's why I was also drawn to the part-time job at Home Depot. That, and I really do like the colour orange. I am still working in the banking industry, having recently celebrated my 2 year anniversary. And I am still working on pushing my entrepreneurial self out from behind my employee self. It has been a struggle, but I am also determined (read: stubborn) enough to make this work. That and the company direction is so exciting right now, especially after we got married in March. Wait, didn't I say I was single?! Yes, NOT that kind of married! In fact, that's a great post for another day. I haven't been to crossfit for a while (yet another post idea) but I am still a WW member (can't remember if we're actually allowed to call it Weight Watchers anymore) and continue to work on my personal health and wellness. All in all, much of my life is the same as it was. Hopefully a bit more interesting though. I've made new friends along the way and did some traveling throughout. Not a bad existence, now that I stop to think about it.

So the long and the short of it, is I am back. I will WILL write at least one post a week, as I think weekly is a great place to start. Let me know if there is something specific you'd be interested in. While I do not claim to know everything, I am great at research and am a graduate of MSU (Making $hit Up).

So...hi. My name is Carol, and I hope we can become friends.

With gratitude,
C.