A love letter to myself

A very dear friend came across this nugget, while flipping through our junior high school yearbook. The year, 1977. The age...unknown but guessing either 13 or 14. After all, it was grade 8. That's the year that Shelly moved back to the Saskatchewan town her parents were from, and our lives were forever changed, without us even knowing. I'm sure at the time, between the tears, threats of running away together, wails of despair and negotiations for my parents to adopt Shelly (They adopted me. What's one more?! After all, we always thought we were sisters-from-another-mister, long before that concept ever became cool!) we were both convinced our lives were completely over. May as well stop the planet from rotating, because it's all done for. Funny how 41+ years manage to pass by, and neither of us has actually died. Oh, I'm sure it felt close some days...may have even toed the line to peek over, but we are both standing as strong as we did as children. Our paths may have gone off in very different directions, but we wound our way back into each others lives and arms. Where I think we were meant to be, all along. But then that question of "what if" pops up. What if Shelly hadn't moved, and we continued on to high school, college, careers, boys together?? Would Shelly have 3 beautiful children and grand babies today? Run her own company, and speak at events as a subject matter expert? Would she have painted and then presented me with the new (very old) frame that makes it absolute perfection (this is also 41 years old, by the way, and it's hung in my room since the day Shelly gave it to me, so very long ago.)

And what about me?? Would growing up together, on the same street, one house down have meant different choices for me? Marriage, a different career, children...Ermmmm...this is where I gulp and hoping I at least stay the crazy cat lady!! Every time I look at the picture of me from so long ago, all I can think is "oh, girl...you have no fucking idea of what's to come." And that's a good thing, right?!

I've showed the picture around, and everyone is kind to comment how pretty I was then. Funny how hindsight kind of grabs you and makes you look twice. Was I pretty? I certainly didn't think so then. I have flashes of doubt now. And while this was before puberty and my seemingly constant struggle with weight, I recall being teased for being too skinny. Too many freckles. I'm sure my eyes were too blue and my hair too brown. I distinctly remember being too tall. I mean seriously...WTF?! Could not make people happy, and sadly, that meant a very long, bumpy road of finding and then finally claiming MY own happiness.

So what would I say to me now? Even thinking about it is choking up my throat, and what is this wet stuff on my cheeks? How I want to wrap that sweet (really, I was sweet...honest!) girl up in my arms and protect her from everything and everyone that hurts her, but then, she won't learn and grow, will she? I guess all I can tell her is that our life is a good one. Yes, we definitely have had dark days, but the sun always came up. ALWAYS. We loved hard, and people loved us back. Some didn't last, but was it meant to then? I don't know these things either. So keep smiling, sweet girl...people will try their very best to make you frown, but continue to smile in defiance! Smile like you really do know the secret, and you still won't share. Smile, because you really are happy. Really!

Much love and gratitude,
Carol

I love Wednesdays

I really do love Wednesdays, and it's not because it's hump day, or the middle of the work week. In fact, for some of us that juggle two (or more) jobs, there really isn't a "middle" to speak of. Just another day, just another shift. No, I love Wednesdays because that's Toastmasters day where I work.

I look forward to Toastmasters every week. I get to spend my lunch with an amazing, ever changing, ever growing, group of people. I get to network within in my own organization, which is great when I come up against something I don't know or understand, but I remember...ah-ha!!  "Bob" works for that department; he'll know about this or at least point me towards who does. While our group is small, and getting smaller weekly it appears, we are mighty! All joining with the goal of working on our leadership skills, interpersonal communications and yes, the dreaded public speaking. But here's the thing...THAT'S my favourite part!!!  I simply adore standing up in front of everyone and giving a speech, or even more fun, the table-topics, a lightening round of questions of which you don't prepare, but answer off the cuff. I enjoy that so much I competed in the last area and division meets. I did win our area, which allowed my to continue on to the division, but sadly came in 3rd. I have some work to do for next year, that is for certain. The competition bug has bitten, and I want to do better. I know I can do better!

But back to the actual speaking part. Toastmasters has introduced a new platform, if you will, to modernize the overall concept. Online course take you through what is call Pathways, and like a path through the mountains, you climb levels, completing various speeches and tasks, until you reach the summit of Level 5. I've chosen the Pathway of Persuasive Influence - something I aim to use with my other endeavor, helping people achieve their dreams and goals. Today's speech was # 19 or 20 (I've honestly lost track) overall, and is almost the middle of my current Pathway. It was about Conflict Resolution, and how I deal with it (I don't...hate conflict...I run scared...oh wait, I was supposed to learn something back there, wasn't I?!) and I gave a pretty good speech. Everyone enjoyed it, and even commented how they can't wait till they are as prepared and rehearsed as I am. So...when do I tell them that it was pretty much off the cuff?! Oh, I had an idea and even wrote one out, but I didn't really rehearse it. I most certainly didn't commit it to memory. And maybe that's why I enjoy Toastmasters so much. It actually plays to my strengths, not focusing on yet another weakness or flaw.

Here's my question for you...what are your strengths? Weaknesses? What do you want to work on? And do you like Wednesdays?!

What am I so afraid of?

I've thought about popping in here and jotting down a few things. And then a Friday turns into a Monday, turns into a Wednesday and I think "I'll get to it on the weekend". The weekend arrives and leaves, and as I'm crawling into bed Sunday night, I wonder what happened to another good intention. Another idea I've overlooked. Made excuses for. Passed by.

What am I so afraid of? The permanence of the words? Who even reads blogs anymore? Are they still a thing? I see them, so they must be, but I was never one to be up on the current trends. And what happens if someone, like you for example, does take a few minutes to read my rambling thoughts. What will happen? Maybe we'll start a conversation. Connect. Make a new friend. Reconnect with some old ones. It's a Devil-may-care world, this Blog-land, and I'm not sure I'm ready for it. Or is it ready for me?!

What to talk about? There's always my life. Still single...still have cats (2)...still living in my 106+ year old house, with the fence falling down and minor repairs required. Did I mention still single?? So that means I'm doing the minor repairs, or at least attempting to learn what I can. Maybe that's why I was also drawn to the part-time job at Home Depot. That, and I really do like the colour orange. I am still working in the banking industry, having recently celebrated my 2 year anniversary. And I am still working on pushing my entrepreneurial self out from behind my employee self. It has been a struggle, but I am also determined (read: stubborn) enough to make this work. That and the company direction is so exciting right now, especially after we got married in March. Wait, didn't I say I was single?! Yes, NOT that kind of married! In fact, that's a great post for another day. I haven't been to crossfit for a while (yet another post idea) but I am still a WW member (can't remember if we're actually allowed to call it Weight Watchers anymore) and continue to work on my personal health and wellness. All in all, much of my life is the same as it was. Hopefully a bit more interesting though. I've made new friends along the way and did some traveling throughout. Not a bad existence, now that I stop to think about it.

So the long and the short of it, is I am back. I will WILL write at least one post a week, as I think weekly is a great place to start. Let me know if there is something specific you'd be interested in. While I do not claim to know everything, I am great at research and am a graduate of MSU (Making $hit Up).

So...hi. My name is Carol, and I hope we can become friends.

With gratitude,
C.

Procrastination

I am certain that if an award was ever handed out for the Queen of Procrastination, I would win, hands down. Granted, it goes without saying that a group of procrastinators most likely wouldn't get it together to actually present such an award...or at the very least, the 2018 win would be handed out sometime in 2020 or so.

All joking aside, why is I can find a million things to do to take me away from what I need to do. It's not that what I need to do is that hard. Or painful. Doesn't cost me anything...if anything, it'll earn me money but still I digress. I putter...decide at that specific moment to reorganize my already messy table, to neater messy piles. I decide I need to get my tax stuff together. Don't have the tax documents yet, but now at least I'm ready to fill in the blanks when I do!

Heck, as you can see by the last post, I even found other things to do whenever I thought about updating the blog! I win, I tell you...I win.

 What have I been doing for the past two months? Well, Christmas came and went, as did New Years. Hope it was great for everyone. Really quiet for me, but that's all right too. New Years was spent with friends after the Resolution Run. It was cold AF this year, so I hung around inside and helped out where I could. Then off to the Barley Mill for half price wine (SCORE!!) and chicken wings, and ringing in another year.

January flew by and here we are at February already. Where does the time go? Oh yeah, I was probably finding something else to do!

I believe the only way to prevent further procrastinating is, to quote Nike, JUST DO IT. Pick up that pen, make that phone call, hit send on the email...whatever it takes. 

Heading to Vegas in a month, for our West Conference. Excited, as I'm heading down and meeting up with a great group of friends, but I'm also dreading it, as I haven't rank advanced as I had planned (stupid procrast...hell, I don't even want to spell the word anymore!), and the finances are a little stretched this year. But got a good deal on airfare, and we'll bunk like we're 16 again in the rooms, and it's a fast trip. In and out in 3 days. But lots to learn, so can't wait. Also enjoying a party the first night with Phyllis, the lovely lady that invented our product. She has used the product on one hand only for the past 15+ years, and having seen the hands up close, it's amazing. While Phyllis is in her 70s, her one hand looks half that age. Joined in the #handsupchallenge myself, and I can already see a difference in colour and tone between the two, and it's only been a week or so. Can't wait to see (and share) the difference at the end of the month.

What I really need to do is break free of the employee mindset, where I look for the instructions if you will, of what to do, what is expected, when to do it, etc. Or, if that seems too frightening, then maybe I need to become my own manager, and tell myself what to do, where to do it, when, etc. I already have many voices in my head...what's one more?

Sorry for the ramble, but I am happy I posted tonight. I won't make any radical promises, but I am aiming for this to be a regular thing going forward. 

Thank you for reading.

Much gratitude,

Carol

Looking forward

It doesn't matter where you go or what you do, goal setting seems to be a key part of everything. From small goals of not buying a bag of cookies when you run into the store for that carton of milk, or when you do find the cookies have somehow made their way into your home, setting the goal of not eating them all in one sitting. Taking a 15 minute break in between mindless chewing counts, right??

That being said, goals are important. Otherwise, how on earth do you know when you're done. Or why you're even completing said task in the first place. For example...why on earth would anyone run for 6+ hours, straight, if there wasn't some sort of sick, twisted goal of being able to say "I ran a marathon". Thought the once was bad enough, but I kept tweaking my goal, as in "I will run a marathon faster, or I will qualify for Boston". I did run a couple faster...I ran quite a few slower, and with several, I seemed content to meet my initial time of 6:28 and change. But I could say I did it, right? And mark that goal with a triumphant strike of my imaginary sharpie! Never did manage a Boston-qualifying time, not even if I add many years to the age category (crap) and now that I no longer run, that goal is moot.


CrossFit is a great place for goal setting and crushing them. First unassisted pull-up...lifting PRs set and knocked down, only to be reset and refocused. The mystical double-under. Although some days that last one seems as attainable as a BQ time!

But is it enough to merely set a goal? Say it out loud or write it down? After all, if it's written down, it must be true, right?? At what point does a goal have to turn into a plan. What comes first?? The Plan or the Goal? Can you have one without the other?? I can say I wanted a BQ time every day. Some days I'm pretty sure that's what I did. But what did I do to achieve that goal? How did I break it down, so that I could meet my target? Did I make a SMART goal? In hindsight, no. It may have been specific and measurable, but honestly was it attainable for the type of runner I was at the time? I was not fast...ever. Still haven't managed to break a 30-minute 5k, which makes a sub-4 hour marathon quite daunting. And last I checked, Boston does not allow roller-skates on the course. Oop...new goal...learn how to skate! So not very realistic, and I never said when I was going to reach this goal. Having no timeline to stick to...well, that always made it easy to say "next race". In 2013, when my body proclaimed in no uncertain terms that it was done with running, so went my Boston dreams. I can still go and cheer on other runners of course, but deep down, I will always carry a twinge of regret for what might have been.

Back to reality...we had a great get-together with the team this afternoon, to discuss goal setting and what we want from 2018. Where do I see myself and my business next year, which is only 29 sleeps away! We didn't really get into specifics there, but it is something I need to nail down over the next few weeks. And I think that's the key to goal-setting. It's not enough to say what you want...you have to follow that up with how. In addition to it being Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Timely, having a plan of tasks, or even sub-goals is helpful in goal-setting.

While I kick around the details, here's some snippets: I will read at least one of the many personal growth books I have piled on the table. They are not being absorbed via osmosis, sadly, so have scheduled reading time every evening (which may also help with my personal sleep goal, as it'll be part of my nightly wind-down). Breaking the goal into smaller chunks helps in so many ways. First, it doesn't seem so daunting. After all, saying I will rank to Platinum is scary, especially if I don't make that goal. But what will happen if I fail? Will the world stop turning on it's axis? Will the sun cease to rise in the east? I don't think so, but I will be disappointed in myself.

Goal # 1, schedule my reading time, and pick the first book. I am just finishing up Bad-A$$ (kind of stuck in the final money chapters...who knew?!), but really want to get into the High Performance Habits, after hearing Brendon Buchard speak at GoPro Mastery. I will finish this one by the end of December.

Goal # 2: go through my back-office (online) and clean up the clutter. I need a clear vision of my tree, and where to focus. I want to WILL earn a steady income from this business, and it's not going to happen if I just think happy thoughts about it. I've got to put some motion in my emotion (thank you Tony Robbins!).

Goal # 3: morning meditation. I've been watching/listening to Dr. Joe Dispenza Breaking the Habit of being yourself every day, and realize that I am in a serious rut. Same old, day in and day out. Time to shake things up. Now, since I also admit to having the attention span of a gnat, I will start small, aiming for a 2-5 minute introspective to start my day.

I still have plenty of work to do here, breaking down the larger 2018 goal of rank advancement. And come up with a few for my personal life, such as the elusive double-under, and my Weight Watchers target. But it's getting late, and sitting here typing is not helping me wind-down and prepare for sleep. I'll leave you with this.

Thank you for reading.

Much love,
Carol

The 1st week of rest of my life

It's been quite a week. Returning from Las Vegas on Sunday with heading pounding, over-loaded with information, ideas and inspiration - and a cold virus, as it would turn out - I knew I wanted to look at my network marketing business - heck, my LIFE - through different eyes. The GoPro Marketing Mastery event was mind-numbing, as I struggled to keep up with my own frantic notes, leaping about in frenzied enthusiasm, laughing, crying, yelling and dancing around to the Pitbull concert that happened on the last night. So much fun, I can't wait to do it all again next year. To quote Eric Worre, "say yes, tell the world and figure it out".

Let me back up a little. As mentioned last week, I ventured into the network marketing in the fall last year. I did the "home business/direct sales" before, and despite quitting it 5 years ago after failing forward year after year (and I still have product lying around - see below), I was intrigued by this company, its product and format, mainly because I didn't need to carry inventory. I don't have to schlep product to and from home parties, and I don't have meet minimum sales targets. Not to say that I don't like what I used to sell, because I still do. My pantry is also full of everything I love to use daily. This is just what I had on hand for demonstrations, customer one-off orders, product changes, etc. It was EVERYWHERE.

Fast forward 5 years, and I think I've definitely grown as a person and am looking at this industry differently now. But I still may not have fully "bought-in" at the beginning. I've read the books, I go to the team events and weekly Zooms, and yet I struggled. The odd customer purchase here or there, but I had yet to really build my team. I watch others do it, seemingly with ease, and I was still here, stuck at Go.

I do have 54 years of my parents drilling the employee mindset into me, as most my age do. Get a good job, do a good job, retire from that job and die happy. But that whole world is changing, and it's not quite that cut and dry anymore. Companies come and go at an alarming rate. Industries that don't evolve cease to exist. Technology moves faster than most of us can keep up. Hell, Sears, the store that practically invented "online shopping" with their Wish Book have closed, citing online shopping as the reason. Ironic. I know more people that have changed jobs/companies/education, not because they wanted to, but because the change was forced upon them. I still flashback to the utter shock of having the rug pulled out from under me last spring. The lure of a steady, consistent pay-cheque, benefits and pension is that fat, juicy worm on the hook most of us bite at desperately. But is that our reality these days? Most get hired as contract, so that corporations can avoid the high benefit/pension costs associated with salaried staff. Loyalty from either employee or employer is low (not to be confused with engagement) - it's rare to hear of anyone who has worked for only one employer from start to finish. Heck, you get excited when people hit the 5 year mark, rather than 20, 30 or God forbid, 40 years of the past.

So how is Network Marketing different? Tapping into the entrepreneurial spirit that lurks in us all (who hasn't had the lemonade stand, or charged for a magic show in the backyard?), and using the technology that scares most brick and mortar industries, it gives those ready for a change the opportunity to drive that change. Residual income replaces pensions, and while there are no benefits per say, the desire of a high enough income that those costs don't matter. Loyalty can still up in the air, as many change companies or focus, but I learned earlier this year that my team have my back and believe in me, even when I don't. We are, after all, pulling in the same direction. There isn't that nagging feeling of someone out for your job or promotion. We celebrate each other victories and help out when we struggle.

{the Canadian team representing in Vegas}

It may have been the cold virus, or the glow of three days of laughing, crying, screaming, laughing even harder, and more "ah-ha" moments then I can count, but I feel like I came back a different person. I'm no longer shy about saying I'm a network marketer. For the first time, I had more customer sales than ever. I still have a lot of work to do, but it's not work that I'm really that afraid of anymore.

{face of determination}

My goal for this week: review my notes from Vegas, start one of the many books I have stacked up (maybe Beach Monday, by Jordan Adler, who also spoke at GoPro) and continue to build my business. I want to be Platinum ranked by conference in March, and also have a good amount of funds in the bank by then to have some fun. I vowed I'd ride the Freemont Street zipline then, and I'd also like to get some new clothes for the spring and summer months.

It's been busy week, with another fun-filled day of training yesterday and cheering on all the fitness at the Battle at the Barracks today. No volunteering this time around, just went to watch. And it was fun! I've made soup for the week and oatmeal with PB and banana, so meals are also ready to roll. I like being able to grab and go in the morning. Makes changing someone's life for the better that much easier when I don't have to worry about what to eat!!

Much love and thanks for reading,

Carol

New beginnings...a year later

Hi...my name is Carol and I'm a horrible blogger. Maybe I'm not so bad at the actual story or typing part, but I certainly lack in consistency. I'm aiming to change that here and now.

So what has changed, besides the blog name? Which by the way, if you were looking for Go Lift Something Heavy and you couldn't find the post from January 2016, I'm sorry to disappoint you but it was time for a refresh. So much has happened in my world since then, personally and professionally, it was time. I still love CrossFit with all my heart (I have the callouses to prove it), still go to Weight Watchers weekly and still live my cats in my little house...wait, what's changed exactly?!

The biggest jolt to my world came April 2016. I was at work at 7 am like normal but by 8:30 I was back home, on my couch, clutching the white envelope that held my past/future and wondered what the eff just happened?! I didn't work oil and gas for this very reason. Hell, I avoided oil and gas for this very reason, and yet, after 16 years, Shaw laid me off. Told me I was a good employee but my job was redundant (all I heard was I was redundant) and to have a nice life. Took a while to recover from that.

After enjoying the summer off of work (my garden looked great, for once), first time in almost 40 years.

I soon realized the money was quickly running out and I needed a job. Truth be told, job-hunting was something I haven't really done since I was 16. I worked for Scotiabank for 18 years, starting a posting I got through my Mom, who also worked there. Left them to go work with a friend, who knew her small company was hiring. Left that job when the company was threatening to close and found the Shaw job through a coworker connection. This was a whole new world and it scared the crap out of me!! Trouble with job-hunting in Calgary last year was it wasn't just you and handful of people applying for jobs...it was you and 10,000+ applying for those jobs. Every job. And I really don't know what I know, you know?! I mean to say, I really don't have a formal education. Yes, I went to college and I have a diploma from 1984 in an industry I have yet to work a full day in (Public Relations). No letters of the alphabet follow my name, and everything I learned I learned by doing it. I'm also in my fifties - that whole 'old dog, new tricks' comes to mind. I was not feeling great, but luckily the "who you know" factor came into play, and I am back working with the gentleman who originally hired me at Shaw. Back in the banking industry, behind the scenes this time and learning that a few things have changed over the past 20 years. Smaller and Alberta only, but with an amazing culture and atmosphere. Makes going to work every day fun again.

Needless to say 2016 was not my favourite year. Family strife intensified to the point of breaking, I lost my beloved Simon, my last connection to Mom and Dad, and I was out of work for most of the year.

But there were happy times as well. Another glorious 5 days at Assiniboine Lodge, the most beautiful spot on earth, spent with a lovely group of ladies hiking, drinking wine and laughing ourselves silly.

I continue to make small gains at CrossFit, but the double-under and pull-up continue to elude me. There's many more moves on the goat list, but small victories, right?

I also rescued a giant orange fluffball named Kosmo. Funny how the power of social media works. There I was, sitting on the couch planning my day, when his face popped up on the Twitter feed, from the Calgary Humane Society. "Kosmo has been here for 6 months and would love a fur-ever home"...damn it, they had me at that face! I literally put down my phone, picked up my purse and cat carrier, drove straight there and within an hour, had him home. Sadly he and Maggie don't quite get along (I think it's his size that frightens her) but I have high hopes that I'll walk in one day to find the two of them cuddled up together. Maybe.

One of the biggest changes in 2016 though was joining up with an amazing group of people, taking control of my future. I don't ever want to be in the position of no job/no income again, so I have entered the world of network marketing. I've done the direct sales/home party business before, but this one is so very different. From the organization through every rank, I've met wonderful, uplifting people and made some amazing friends. We support each other, and have an absolute blast along the way. I've been to Houston, and just returned from a weekend in Vegas with these crazies, and am in awe of all of them. Building my team, and plotting my course. I said yes, and I AM a force to be reckoned with.

Can't believe 2018 is only 40 days away. FORTY!! What fabulous plans do you have for the rest of 2017?

Thank you for your time, much love.
Carol